


Bathroom Crying at a College Party was Not What I Planned for Today

by Baggy_Striped_Shirt



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji is a Mess, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bokuaka - Freeform, Bokuto Comforts Him Though, Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou Are Roommates, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Good Friend, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Social Anxiety, Stressed Akaashi Keiji, engaged Bokuaka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:09:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27696071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baggy_Striped_Shirt/pseuds/Baggy_Striped_Shirt
Summary: Keiji Akaashi is an over-worked burnt out college student who just needs a good crying session in the bathroom. Bokuto should be allowed to comfort him, but letting himself be taken care of has always been difficult for Akaashi.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 113





	Bathroom Crying at a College Party was Not What I Planned for Today

**Author's Note:**

> Please look at the tags, this story does deal with panic attacks and such! There is a good chunk of comfort, though.

Akaashi needed to go home.

Bokuto had noticed him being more muted and emotionally exhausted, surely he did, that's why Akaashi was at this party in the first place. Bokuto was invited to a college party by Kuroo, and had extended the invitation to Akaashi to help him loosen up after midterms. He had assumed it would be a small party with only a few people, but every room seemed cramped with low oxygen and crowding shoulders, with blasting music and alcoholism.

He couldn't handle it.

He was stressed about schoolwork, Bokuto’s happiness, his failures as his boyfriend, his parents, his anxiety, his OCD, his depression that went hand-in-hand with all his other issues. 

The last thing he needed was to be on a dance floor where everyone was slapping their faces together in desperation of arousal.

He had lost Bokuto and Kuroo, the only people he could trust to settle his quarries. Akaashi had tried to find them, but the large amounts of people and noise was overwhelming, his anxiety just got worse by the second. He just needed to step away from everyone. He had to find a bathroom, pray that it was empty, and just hide while he calmed down (thank whatever is out there that he brought a fully-charged phone and his earbuds).

He successfully found a bathroom, an _empty_ bathroom, after a few minutes of being away from his friends. He nearly threw himself in it before slamming and locking the door and leaning against it, it was relieving to get away from all the people.

The panic from being in a stressful environment faded away and was replaced by the worries he dealt with everyday. He slumped and deflated as he sat down, sliding against the door. 

Luckily, before the full panic could settle in, he put in his earbuds. In its loudest setting, Akaashi put on his favorite violin and piano duets, and while he could still hear auto-tuned singing and bass drums, he focused on the calming strums and keys from the instruments.

Bokuto. His dear Bokuto, he could feel tears form in his eyes just from that. He had been so awful to him lately; Akaashi failed to make him happy anymore, he was failing to recover him from his distress and sad moods. The relationship was unbalanced, and it felt like it was Akaashi who was getting more treatment. It was a vicious cycle of feeling guilty for not being able to make Bokuto happy because of the stress that came from being in college, which only made him more stressed which made him even more unable to take care of him.

God, he was such a mess.

His eyes burned, not just from his sadness and stress but from cigarette smoke he could feel coming from the vents. The heavy smell of alcohol didn't help, and he could feel his thighs go numb from sitting on hard tile. He huddled his knees against himself and settled against a wall, people kept banging at the door, and the extra vibrations only set his mind racing even more. 

Akaashi thought back to his parents. He hadn't told Bokuto, but they had called him earlier that day. He knew he shouldn't have answered; nothing good ever came from interacting with his parents, but he had clicked to answer anyways.

It was all talk of his failure. Failure Akaashi recognised himself, he had gone from straight A’s to having three B’s. His mother did what she always had, blamed him for being a waste of her money and love while insulting him, keeping the conversation one-sided and shutting Keiji up when he tried to explain himself. He didn't even hear from his father, though he never cared about his own son.

He could feel his mind become fuzzy and he was dissociating a little, he just wanted to be at home where he could safely cry out his problems. Of course, his roommate would only have been annoyed.

Akaashi’s breathing was shallow, at times his chest would inflate and deflate, yet no air would flow through and out of his body until the 5th push of his lungs, forcing the air out of his tight, dry throat. Akaashi felt like dying, he had little to no sleep, he was worrying Bokuto all the time, and he felt like he never made anyone happy anymore.

He tried pacing his breathing with the tempo of the song, a trick that had worked a few times in the past. However, it was a fruitless effort, his lungs felt caged up with fears, insecurity and his overwhelming stress. His mind was lost in a fog of his bad memories and his mistakes.

At times like this he wanted it to end, his life shouldn't be like this. He wishes it were like high school, happy to have a best friend and eventual boyfriend for the first time in his life and grades were easy to maintain, back when he was a decent setter on a team that went to nationals several times. He had anxiety back then, sure, but not nearly this bad. He felt so worthless, he felt like he should die, he felt like a mistake.

The violin slowed, going quiet while the piano had the melody. He played violin himself, a pastime his mother forced him to take, but he was fond of the instrument. The violin had sped up and he could hear it being plucked in a complicated melody while the piano switched to long, quiet chords.

Akaashi knew he had to fix himself, to focus on the strumming like he always did to calm down, but his mind and body were at war. He used to be so rational, the one who could stop the raging tornado that was Bokuto, his love and life, from crying and panicking about the littlest things. He couldn't even help him recover from a sad movie without Bokuto practically cheering himself up.

Maybe Bokuto had noticed he was missing. Maybe he knew about Akaashi slowly losing his will to carry on, maybe Kuroo had noticed, who knows; but he got a worried text from Bokuto asking where he was. He was shaking too much, he didn't want to be seen, but at the same time, he wanted to see Koutarou. Even though his mind screamed that he shouldn't worry him, that Akaashi wasn't worth worrying over.

He only texted ‘bathroom’ back.

Akaashi scrunched his hair in his hands. He didn't know what to do, he wanted help, but why did he deserve it? His knees scooted more into himself and were wet from his tears.

His breathing was ragged. His cheeks were salty and stained with rivers of stress. He was barely in his second semester of college, yet he felt his life was over.

He began daydreaming, thoughts of having a domestic life with Bokuto (recently this was what kept Akaashi motivated). Waking up to Bokuto’s (surprisingly) amazing cooking that he would always experiment with. Being able to make Koutarou smile and laugh and give reassurance. Having a dog or cat around the house, a few plants, a stable job, Bokuto being successful with volleyball.

He wanted that life so, so bad. Akaashi had never wanted anything more. Just a few years, he reminded himself, a few years before he could marry Bokuto. They practically lived with each other already, but having a paid-for home to call theirs, to decorate with owls and planets and memories of their love.

But when he was grounded by the yelling and obnoxious singing from just outside the restroom, he couldn't see himself being good enough to have his dreams. It felt so far away and impossible, even the promise ring on his finger wasn't helping.

The pounding of his head, the trapped air in his lungs as he breathed so hard oxygen stopped passing through, and the comforting music that wasn't loud enough to drone out the party were all reminders that life didn't want him to be happy.

- _Knock Knock Knock_ -

Three knocks… is that…?

“Akaashi! Are you in there? This is the last bathroom I haven't checked.” It was Bokuto, Akaashi’s sweet, beautiful, amazing Koutarou, his life-saver, his star.

He stood up quickly, he knew he was a mess, but he didn't care. He opened the door, saw Bokuto, dragged him in the bathroom before closing and locking the door again.

“Akaashi!? What are you- hey! What's wrong?” He toned his voice down. Akaashi pulled an earbud out and wrapped Bokuto in a hug.

“Keiji… Hey…” Bokuto cupped Akaashi’s face in his hands, his wet disgusting face. He only leaned into the touch and brought up a hand to Bokuto’s.

Bokuto rubbed his cheek before taking Akaashi’s other hand and placing it to his own chest. He had done this to comfort Akaashi before, using Bokuto’s breathing as a guide for the other to pace himself to.

“Koutarou…” His voice cracked from the sobbing.

“Hey hey, Keiji.” He smiled at him, Akaashi’s chest bloomed with joy, but his venomous mind bit back his happiness.

“I- I’m sorry… you shouldn't have to deal with me all the time…You’re supposed to be having fun, not helping me.” Akaashi’s voice was gravely and emotional, a total change from his normal self, and clearly Bokuto could tell.

“Hey, who said helping you is a bad thing? I can take care of you, y’know?” Bokuto used the hand that was still at Akaashi’s cheek to tilt his chin, forcing their eyes to look at each other.

“Yes but… you've been doing it so much more recently, I feel like… like I never am the one who's helping you.”

“But you have, so many times Akaashi.” 

Akaashi darted his eyes, “Yeah, but you've-”

“Keiji, how many times have you helped me? Even before we started dating, how many times did you bring me out of my emo mode?” _108 times_ , Akaashi thought, “How many times have I called you the best? I always mean it, you know.” Bokuto gave him a quick peck; and Akaashi had realized he never made a mental list of that.

“Yes… but... I don't deserve to be cared for, I'm the one who has to be responsible, I always have to be perfect- always, and- and then- I'm not and- it-.” Akaashi was having trouble forming words into his mouth.

“That's not true at all. Look, I know your parents made you think you need to be perfect, but I still love you, Akaashi. A lot, like, a lot a lot, that's why I'm going to marry you, isn't it?” Akaashi looked into his eyes, there was no sign he was lying.

Akaashi only lowered his head in silence.

“I know everything is hard right now, I know school is rough, but I want you to know that I don't have to be a part of your list of worries, okay? You don't have to worry about my happiness all the time.” Akaashi widened his eyes and looked back up, only met with a sweet and kind smile, the smile he loved so dearly.

“Bokuto… I love you so much.” He teared up again before reaching over for a hug, “I'm sor-”

“Don't say it. You're gonna apologize for something dumb.” Bokuto started rubbing his back, “Akaashi, do you know that I love you?”

“…yes.”

Bokuto squeezed him, “Then why are you acting like I’m gonna get mad at you for feeling down when you never get mad at me?”

Akaashi fell silent at that. It was true, there was nothing that would hint Bokuto got mad or upset at him, and he never got mad at Bokuto when he felt sad at the worst of times.

They sat in silence for a while, the piano was quiet as the violin played long strums, the notes to C minor. Bokuto was still rubbing his back, making swirls and circles with his gentle hands, and Akaashi calming his mind and breathing down. He was so grateful for Bokuto.

“Hey, let's go home, I think I still have some mochi? We can stop for onigiri too?” He lifted Akaashi’s face up, and the other smiled.

“Sure, that sounds perfect.” He smiled a little, and Bokuto cheered up at that.

“There's my Keiji! Now come on, we'll have no room for you to be stressed once we get you food, food is great!”

Akaashi smiled, “Yes, yes it is.” 

Before walking out, Bokuto had put Akaashi’s other earbud back in and took his hand. There was very much still a college party, a lot of drunk people doing karaoke or dancing sloppily. A good half of the party had moved to the backyard, so thankfully it wasn't as crowded, but Bokuto still carved a path for them while Akaashi was pretty much glued to his back. 

They walked up to the front of the house, walking down the street to find Kuroo sitting on the hood of a car.

“Hey, there you guys are, sorry for ditching you, ‘Kaash.” He hopped off his car and walked over to the duo.

“It's fine, Kuroo, it’s not your fault.” Akaashi reassured. 

“Alright, let’s head home then, I’m sure you wanna get out of here as soon as possible.” Kuroo said before stepping into the driver's seat and buckling up, Bokuto and Akaashi taking the back seats.

Bokuto leaned forward a little towards Kuroo, “Can you stop at Sutā Onigiri? I'll buy you some too.”

“Sure thing, I'm guessing he'll be staying at our place?” Kuroo responded, and Bokuto nodded before settling next to Akaashi, taking his hand.

“No funny business, this is Kenma’s car.” Kuroo teased, he had his trademark smirk on.

“Hmm… that's just too bad.” Bokuto said before giving Akaashi a kiss, moving his hand to the other's cheek to push their faces further together. Akaashi smiled and started laughing a bit when he saw Kuroo’s mock-disgusted expression at the corner of his vision.

Bokuto pulled away giggling as well, “Stop staring like a pervert and start driving, rooster-head.” 

“Whatever.” He turned the key in the ignition and drove off. Akaashi leaned more into Bokuto and closed his eyes. He definitely couldn't sleep (the energy drink he had downed before the party had just kicked in), but he found it easy to relax with Bokuto next to him.

Bokuto started playing with Akaashi’s messy hair, and he found it surprisingly soothing, especially when coupled with the therapeutic music still in his ear.

The drive, luckily, wasn't that long. Akaashi paused his song and removed his headphones as the three of them got out of the car.

Before they headed in the shop Kuroo spoke up, “Hey, ‘Kaashi, down for a movie night? I can invite Kenma?”

For once Akaashi actually felt like that would be fun, “Yeah, that'd be really nice, actually.”

Kuroo, while yes, was an asshole, could genuinely be nice and was surprisingly good at reading people (despite when he was oblivious to Kenma liking him). Akaashi also enjoyed Kenma’s company, it was nice to be around someone who wasn't crazy and chaotic like Kuroo and Bokuto, he was also really smart with his words and advice (when he wasn't insulting people, that is).

The shop smelt nice, and Akaashi smiled when Bokuto had waved at the fortune cat sitting on a nearby shelf. Akaashi loved this place, it was where they had their first date and a reliably tasty menu. It was by-far his favorite restaurant in Tokyo.

Akaashi linked his arm with Bokuto. He wasn't feeling like being too adventurous, so he settled on onigiri with chicken and vegetables in it. Kuroo took their order after texting Kenma to ask what he wanted.

“Akaashi, Akaaaashi, Aka-ashi” Bokuto sang quietly, taking Keiji’s hands and bouncing them up and down with his words while bobbing his head back and forth. He had no particular melody but the other found it adorable, and he smiled.

“What are you doing, Bokuto?” Akaashi asked, raising an eyebrow while still smiling.

“Just making up a song, duh. You like music, afterall.”

“You're so silly.” He smiled and pecked Bokuto on the forehead who also smiled.

“You guys are so in love it's gross.” Kuroo came back, bags of food in hand along with a water bottle.

“Pshh, like you're any better with Kenma, you guys just naturally cuddle into each other, it's almost impressive.” Bokuto said as Kuroo slid the water across the table to Akaashi.

“Yeah yeah yeah. Also drink that, I can't remember the last time you drank water.” 

Akaashi blinked twice before grabbing and opening the bottle, “Thank you, Kuroo.” He took a few gulps. He had gotten a bad habit of forgetting to drink water, especially since he quit the volleyball team in his third year of highschool.

The order was finished and Bokuto grabbed the food bags, “Alright, time to go pick up Kenma!” Bokuto sat up and marched out of the restaurant. Kuroo followed him, walking the same way Bokuto had, while Akaashi just chuckled at them and walked out normally.

It was a silent car ride to Kenma’s house, besides the music playing from the radio and the hum of cars passing by. They eventually had gotten to the college dorms. Kuroo had separated to go meet at Kenma’s dorm while Akaashi and Bokuto went to the ladder’s room.

Bokuto took out his keys and unlocked the door, placing the onigiri bags on the counter. Akaashi just flopped face-first on the couch, smashing his face into a pillow. Even though his heart was racing from how today had gone and the energy drink, he felt so, so tired.

He heard the rustle of plastic bags stop, followed by footsteps and a heavy weight on top of him.

“Are you sleepy, Akaashi?” Bokuto mumbled into his neck.

“No, but you're heavy, so get off.” He grumbled. He did, however he also picked Akaashi up and off from the couch bridal-style.

“Bokuto-!” He sat down on the couch himself and settled Akaashi on his lap.

“There!” Bokuto cheered, and gave the other a hug. Akaashi fixed the position so he was straddling his lap in a hug, resting his head on Bokuto’s shoulder.

“Akaashi~ Don't fall asleep on me, Kenma’s not even here yet.” He teased, and Akaashi only grumbled back.

Eventually Kuroo arrived with Kenma, who was clearly in his pajamas, and had his laptop with him. From what Akaashi could remember, he had a coding project to do; he was planning to be a game developer afterall.

“Hey.” is all he said before sitting up on the barstool with his laptop, Akaashi and Bokuto only looked at him in sync before saying hello.

“What movie are we watching? I feel like some romcom could be nice.” Kuroo said, grabbing different movie cases, “How about this one?” He pointed the cover towards the three of them, it seemed like some cheesy movie that came from the clearance section at a market, but it would be good enough.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Akaashi said. He got off of Bokuto and went to the counter. He noticed Kenma had already taken his food, so he grabbed the bags and set them on the coffee table. Kuroo settled on a chair and Bokuto leaned forward. They were both athletes, so naturally they ate a lot of food.

Akaashi took his onigiri before the other two could steal it and sat next to Bokuto on the couch, tangling their legs together as he leaned into the corner. The movie wasn’t particularly that good, but it was mildly funny.

After devouring way too many rice balls, Bokuto had settled next to Akaashi more, wrapping his arms around him and settling his head on the other’s chest. Akaashi kissed the back of his head, his hair smelt like fake strawberries (apparently his normal gel ran out and the store only had scented kind). He reached one of his hands over to gently play with the strands, breaking the follicles of hair from the crusted gel.

This was definitely a lot better than a party, Akaashi thought. No loud obnoxious college students, no trashy pop music, no smell of smoke and cannabis, no panicking in a bathroom, just a few friends, food and his lover; it was all that Keiji wanted and needed.

He smiled to himself, and gave his star another kiss on his head.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story that I'm posting on here so I hope anyone who reads this likes it! If there's any feedback or criticism then I'll gladly look at it. I hope I portrayed Anxiety correctly, I based it off my personal experiences as well as researching a bit.


End file.
